Time Out: you're not really going outside, right?

So, theoretically, you're all set, right? You've got some food supplies, some tools, and (most importantly for the moment) some very passable instruments of death. Killing zombies isn't your goal, mind you - your goal is not to die. There are three real ways not to die during the zombie apocalypse:

1: Don't let the zombies catch you (i.e. run)

2: Don't let the zombies see you (i.e. hide)

3: Don't let the zombies kill you. (i.e. fortify)


In a way, there's two sides to all of the rules; one, you do while you're on the move, and the other you do while you're stopped. But you're never really stopped; under the Run rule, when you're not moving you're getting ready to move again. To hide on the move, you sneak; to hide in place, you just hide; we can talk more later about some ways to deal with those later.
Running and hiding are things we all know pretty well, but let's take a minute to think about how to keep the zombies from killing you.
 When I say "Fortify" I want you to think of a fort. Have you ever visited a real old fort? Last year, on a research trip, I visited the Castillo de San Marcos in St. Augustine, FL.

You'll have to do a Google image search for the overhead shot, which is pretty impressive. My pictures are all just variations on ground-level.
Anyway, check out this fort. Forts from this era are designed, in general, to repel large numbers of people without giving them a chance to kill the people inside. This particular one was also designed to repel ships coming in from the ocean, but if the zombies can manage shipbuilding you're too many kinds of screwed to worry about dealing with it. Focus on what makes this a good place to repel zombies. High walls, no windows, entrances that can be easily made inaccessible. Really thick walls - these are designed to repel cannonballs, but you'll only need to worry about the force human bodies can exert. That might be more than you expect, but don't worry about building yourself a huge fort like this - not that it's a bad idea if you can manage it. It's also nice and roomy inside with plenty of room for stored food in case the occupants need to wait out a long siege.

Still, if you let them, even a weak enemy will eventually find a way through your defenses. On that note, notice also what's lining the battlements!

Cannons, baby! These suckers can be loaded up with all kinds of ammunition, though these particular ones might not help you a lot if you actually had to use them (old, with lots of rust damage... they'd probably blow up rather than fire). The thing to remember here is that these cannons line the whole top of the fort, and set back there's even more ordinance, in the form of mortars.

Indeed, if you're coming at this fort, on foot on on a ship, you'll be beating against a stone wall while hot death falls on you from above. It's bad for you but good for the folks inside.See where this is going?


It's safe to say that if zombies had attacked in the 1700s, the Spanish would have done pretty well here in the Castillo, at least for a while. What, if anything, does this have to do with your situation?


Back to what I was saying before, about how the three rules have a mobile and stationary application. When you're stationary, you want to be stationary in a place like this here fort - doesn't matter if it's like that before you get there, make sure it's going to be able to serve your needs before you decide to stop. Windows are pretty popular these days, and glass is a lot easier to crack and break than the coquina they used to build the fort. Plan accordingly.


Mobile, though, you can't carry a fort with you - and sooner or later you'll need to be mobile, if only to gather food. That's where your arsenal comes in. You can get armor - there's probably some dead people walking around with bullet proof vests, which is likely a testament to their effectiveness against zombies, but something is better than nothing. Anything you can do do protect yourself from unwanted biting (and clawing, and clubbing) is a good thing, but I recommend a proactive solution instead: kill the zombies before they can get to you. Guns are great, if you can get them - but don't count on finding them on the walking dead, not that you should look there; if they're lucky they had a chance to draw them before the zombies got them. Do look in areas with multiple dead zombies, since that's a sign of someone with a gun possibly being chased down. Their loss might be your gain; the gun's probably empty, but you might find some spare holsters on the walking dead; more likely you can find bullets at a gun store. Looters probably took all the guns, but if you're lucky there will still be bullets, maybe the kind you need. No sense throwing away a perfectly good gun if you might yet find bullets for it.

Guns aside, you've got your improvised tools to defend yourself. Your life will depend on your ability to use them for protection. I'll repeat here: your goal is not to kill zombies, your goal is not to die. If you don't have something that can simply and easily kill a zombie chasing you, your best and surest bet is to maim. Break an arm so they can't grab you; break a leg so they can't chase you. Granted, zombies are a persistent bunch and you'll probably still get chased, if more slowly. They don't heal, though; a broken zombie today can only become a more broken zombie later. This is the key to humanity's long-term goal, outliving the zombies; this can also be the key to killing the zombies in your area a little at a time.


If you can't properly maim a zombie... let's say you're a bit of a "minimalist" and the best you were able to come up with in your house is a handful of pointed sticks. Well, you're probably screwed, no joke, but you're not dead yet, so consider your options. Running away is a great one. Let's put that at the top of the list.
(1) Run away!
Ok, that's taken care of. Suppose you can't run fast enough? Or you're carrying something you can't leave behind, maybe something you hope to use to make a weapon better than the broken-off points from wooden spoons? Well, you'll have to do some kind of damage. If you know some good kung-fu that's great, but if not I guess you're stuck with your pointy sticks. Aim for the eyes if you can, and don't just poke them - try and push your stick through the skull as far as you can, and even work in some wiggling if you can manage it. The goal is to damage the brain, and the eyes are the easiest point of entry for your little sticks. The wiggling, in theory, should help each stick do a little extra damage. With a lot of luck the zombie will drop re-dead then and there; with just a little luck you'll damage enough tissue to slow it down somehow. With only normal luck... you'll probably end up dead.

Tough break. Natural selection's in hyperdrive, and only survivors will survive. You didn't make the cut. Don't feel bad, though; people with much better survival instincts probably died early on in a misguided but well-intended effort to keep the zombies from killing everyone. You outlived a whole bunch of people. Good luck has helped you live this long, but the longer you survive the less luck can help you. Just be proud of what you did manage, you know? Good job. And hey - now that you're dead, you won't be eating the food supplies other people need, so you're still making a contribution.

Sure, you're a zombie now. Kind of part of the problem, but you're just one snowflake in the blizzard. Try not to let that part bother you.


Back to the real survivors then. You got a fair idea what you need to deal with once you get outside? Probably not, right? That's just as well, because you don't really know where you need to go yet. You might have some ideas, but give me a chance to lend a little advice on how to prioritize your destinations. We'll talk about that and more next time.