That bit last time about not pretending to be a zombie really isn't about survival (unless you're dumb enough to try it, in which case I saved your life - your welcome, by the way), but it's something you might think of that you really shouldn't. It also brings up a great topic: Things you think you know!
You think you know: Zombies don't run, they shamble.
Well, you may be right, you may be wrong. Luckily, I don't have a zombie here to check it out on, so we'll have to theorize.
The real thing we would need to be able to determine is the type and extent of brain damage. You see, no matter what happens to cause a body to become a zombie, the body is still going to have undeniable physiological functions of one kind or another. At the farthest extent of scientific possibility, you can animate a corpse without the brain, but without the brain the muscles can just twitch randomly without doing anything. For a zombie to stand, see you, and give chase, there must be a cohesive system under which the sensory inputs are collected and the commands for movement are dispersed. Unless the zombies are caused by aliens, directing the movement of our corpses from space by remote, this means an intact brain. This is why we must destroy the brain. Whatever you choose to believe is directing the motion of the body, remember that we ourselves use the brain for it, so whatever might take the place of our conscious minds is going to have to do the same.
So, you can see that any zombie that functions has to have at least partial brain activity. The various sensory areas must be intact for the use of their various senses, and the motor areas must be intact for the full use of their corresponding muscular movements. Other parts may or may not work, who's to say what's going on in a zombie's brain, but at least we can be sure that those two areas are necessary.
There are diseases and injuries that cause swelling in the brain, among other possible brain-related bad situations, and it's possible that zombification might in some way share symptoms with these diseases (or that injuries prior to zombification could also cause them). In real life, brain swelling is a very bad situation indeed. They used to cut holes in your skull to relieve the pressure; as far as I know, they still do. Swelling can cause all kinds of brain damage, I'm not expert enough to say what, but certainly it's possible for that to damage the motor areas. It might just kill you, too - even if only 1 victim in 5 got up as a zombie, we'd still be pretty bad off - but if you manage to move around after that kind of damage, I think a slow shamble is probably the best you'll be able to manage.
Let's also remember that real zombies are just dead; no heartbeat, no healing from injuries, and they might even continue to rot. After a couple days as a zombie, it's likely enough that something will have happened to affect the proper function of your body, so it might not even be possible to run.
So yes, some zombies will probably shamble. But it's not by any means a one-size-fits-all answer. Whatever might cause the brain damage won't necessarily hit every person in the same way to the same degree, so while some zombies might not have the acuity to stand at all, others will run and jump as well as they ever did as a human - possibly better, since they no longer need to feel pain. And as for injuries, who knows what'll happen to a zombie. Depending on how many zombies are trying to kill a person at the time of their death, they might start out with a few minor injuries or several very serious ones. It's going to be a mixed bag no matter what.
What does it mean for you? Well, whether the zombie you see shambles or not, you'll want to run from it, right? Dealing with it directly is no solution unless you don't have a choice; if they were easy to kill, there wouldn't be an outbreak. If it just shambles and slides, you'll probably outrun it easily. If not, you'll just have to run faster and get away however you can. It doesn't change anything, unless you actually expected them all to move slower than a power-walk.
Something else you think you know: If they bite me, I'm doomed! I should just kill myself right away!
You're probably right, but who can say at this point what will transmit the zombie virus? Your skin is a very good barrier against a number of things that would mean you harm. Take pride in it, and while you're at it cover it up as much as you can because you have no idea if it will protect you from zombies. It's safe to say that if they attack and kill you, whatever is left of you will probably be a zombie. Between that degree of exposure and no exposure at all, there's no definite way to predict what will result in zombification Having them bite you and breaking the skin is certainly very bad, but it might not be completely fatal. If you can wash the wound right away, that's good, but no safeguard. Maybe one time in 50 that will save you, as a rough guess. It probably depends on the specific medium of infection (saliva/blood/etc.) and how much of that your wound was exposed to.
Of course, it's possible that even a little exposure is much too much. It could be that just a little zombie blood on your exposed skin will carry enough taint to absorb through your skin like a nicotine patch. So keep that skin covered!
Something else: If you shoot them in the head, they're dead. (again)
Hmm... you're wrong. Well, mostly wrong. Sure, the head-shot thing is the gold standard, but it's not bulletproof (ha ha). What you damage is a lot more important than how you do the damage, and just shooting something into a brain isn't a guarantee of success here. People, human people, have survived being shot in the head. You can see an x-ray of a guy who had a lead pipe poking all the way through his skull and he survived. The chances are pretty slim, but not too small to be ignored. In this one case, I will be more than willing to agree with a Hollywood zombie movie: go ahead and use the double-tap. It's just safer.
Probably a myth: They know where I am via some scary sixth sense.
You know where this came from: Dawn of the Dead. All those zombies going to the mall because they "sensed" a handful of humans inside (or because some part of their brain felt like doing some shopping). Well, again, I'm glad to say that I don't have a subject to experiment on to prove or disprove this theory, so it's gonna have to wait until Zombie Day to find out how likely it is.
Theoretically, humans are gregarious; they tend to group together, like sheep. Supposedly, this trait could continue among zombies (I suspect that if the zombies don't kill each other, this will be the reason). Now, it's been put forward that there's some kind of psychic link between fellow humans that allows them to sense one another's presence. I don't say it doesn't exist, but I will say that it isn't strong enough for you to use it to find people even when you're looking for them. It's probably a lot stronger between you and your closest friends and relations, especially between spouses, which gives you a whole new reason to keep them alive with you. For us as humans, it may manifest as a shared thought between you and your counterpart, shouting out the same response to something at the same time, or both of you having a craving for chicken wings.
Over time, this (theoretical) sense might cause zombies to tend to drift more towards you than away from you, but I just don't think it's going to be strong enough to be a real concern. More likely it will answer a question you would never ask about zombie migration patterns. You might ask it, if you're an anthropologist of the undead, which I'm sure we'll have then.
There's plenty more that you're wrong about, and I'll be more than happy to tell you all about it another time. For now, we'll plan on getting back to the survival scenario concept. Next time, we'll be throwing in a variation. You've been alone in our little scenario, but what if you hadn't been? It'll be like "Dual Survival" or "Man, Woman, Wild" in the sense that there will be two of you and you'll be trying to survive; the similarities to any Discovery Channel shows end there, but it gives me an excuse to say Myke Hawke. I'll use any excuse to bring Myke Hawke into the conversation.
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