Here we are, 7 am or so on a nice sunny Saturday morning, and your alarm clock is going off because you didn't turn it off. Blah blah blah, Zombie Apocalypse. Let's skip this part, we went over it once before. The difference here is that you didn't wake up alone, and you're very tempted to stay in bed for a while and get some Zombie Day action; I won't stop you, it might be your last good chance. Get back to me when you're done.
Yeah, you had a great weekend planned, all these things the two of you were going to do, like living, eating food that's been dead more than an hour, staying inside with nothing but each other for company. Well, you might get to do some of those things, so at least your weekend isn't ruined.
We've covered the basics of survival solo, but having a partner is going to change up the situation a bit. You already have most of the knowledge you need for basic survival - hopefully! - so in this scenario, the first thing to do is make sure your partner knows too.
For you, some new knowledge. Dealing with other people is completely different from not dealing with other people. For one thing, there's more than just you to worry about. I don't mean going from "is there enough food for me"" to "is there enough food for us?" No, instead what I mean is going from "hmm, I hope this isn't infected" to "I wonder if that person is hiding a zombie bite under their hair". Working together requires trust, and trust... well, it's going to be hard to trust someone if you're worried they might turn into a zombie without warning.
To help with that particular problem, let's try to identify what might be a false positive on your instinctive zombie identification criteria. This will be helpful not only with your partner here on Zombie Day but also with dealing with people in general; since it's helpful to everyone, then, we'll go through it first.
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| Not a zombie. |
Sure, at first glance, you immediately say "Oh, shit! Zombie!" But in fact this is not a zombie, it's a drunk person. You'll probably see drunk people, and they might look worse off than this - the Alcoholics Anonymous support groups will probably break down in a bad way, and there will be more than enough reason to get seriously drunk. Killing a drunk person isn't a good idea though - unless they have a gun and think you are the zombie, in which case it might not be avoidable. Good news there is that drunk people have trouble shooting straight, but still.
Anyway, why do we think this person, or any likely drunk we might see, is a zombie?
1: It looks like she has no brain.
A valid observation, but remember that zombies do in fact have and need brains. These brains aren't functioning the way a normal brain does, and neither does a drunk brain. Both conditions can cause shambling, stumbling, and so on. Slackness of the facial muscles is also a sign of zombiness, as well as drunkenness.
2: It's walking towards me and trying to grab me.
Drunk people tend to try to grab on to other people, partly for stability, but just as often to tell them something that seems very important to them at the time. Sometimes, it's to grab a cheap feel. Zombies also try to grab on to you, but there's just one reason. Drunk or dead, it's usually best not to be grabbed like this.
3: It's making strange noises that almost sound like words, but aren't.
Here's a possible point to help you tell a zombie from a drunk. Drunk people slur words, even if you can't always understand them. Zombies moan, groan, and yell. If it doesn't sound like words, it might mean it's a zombie, or it might not. Anything that's definitely meant to be a word is a sure sign of some humanity, however well preserved in alcohol.
Singing will also mean that the person is alive, but it's not always easy to tell when a drunk person is trying to sing. Words or just melody, if you recognize a tune you're safe enough. Any real tune might just be in their head, though; remember, moans and yelling don't necessarily make a person a zombie. Besides, it's a stressful time. Normal people have plenty of reason to be moaning and yelling, even without alcohol, and more than a few will simply lose their mind and be little better than a zombie.
4: It smells like walking death.
So will you in a few days! Bathing is a luxury and many people aren't even making a use of it in the first place. The homeless population will surely be hit harder by the zombie plague than most other groups, but some survivors will surely emerge, and every liquor star will become an open bar. If you didn't have a home to fortify, that would probably be your first stop too. Either that or a gun store - the smart people will probably go to the gun store first, then the liquor store. Bad combination, so watch for that.
If you're close enough to smell, you're probably much to close if it turns out your subject is a zombie. Try not to rely on that one.
Now that we understand why we think these things might make a person a zombie, let's go over the things to look for that zombies will have, but any normal person, drunk or otherwise, will not.
1: It's dead.
Any conspicuous death, like missing arms and guts hanging out, will make a zombie easy to identify. Always be checking for less obvious things if you're in any doubt, though. Serious injuries, like big gashes or obviously broken bones, that don't seem to be bothering the person/corpse they belong to.
2: Their skin is green/gray/bloated/really dead looking.
Green skin doesn't happen with normal people, so that's a ticket to re-death; it's a sign that decomposition has already started, so you know they're not alive. Gray skin can mean the same thing, but live people can look gray in certain lights, depending on their skin tone and general health. Also be aware that there are other ethnicities than yours, so a "suspicious" skin color might be your ignorance causing a false positive; check for other signs if you're not 100% sure.
3: It's got a lot of blood and raw meat around its mouth.
I'll grant that this could mean a live cannibal - but that's also something you should kill right away. Cannibals are worse than zombies, since they still have their full intelligence and motor skills. They can also use guns and other tools. Worst of all, if they're alive when you see them it probably means they read the same blogs you did, so they know everything you know, and they know you know they know what you know. Shoot on sight.
4: I shot it in the foot and it's still walking
Yes, this is certainly proof that you have a zombie on your hands. Warning shots will usually scare most normal people enough to make their humanity clear, but if they don't react enough and you're not sure enough to just go for the immediate kill, a non-lethal shot to the hand or foot will give you the real proof you need. No live person is going to keep walking towards you if you shoot it in the foot unless they're being chased by a zombie. This isn't a good way to make a first impression if they do turn out to be alive, but maybe you care more about not accidentally killing real living people than you do about making sure non-living people don't intentionally kill you. I suppose it's a matter of preference.
Further complicating things in the drunk/zombie confusion is the possibility of a drunk zombie. This would happen, in theory, when a drunk person is attacked by a zombie; obviously, being drunk they have almost no chance for survival. The resulting zombie will have all the symptoms of drunkenness but will also be an undead zombie. The drunkenness doesn't go away, either. Without the heart pumping blood through the liver, whatever alcohol is in the brain stays there. This is good for you, as a survivor, because it makes the zombie easier to either kill or get away from. Don't play with the drunk zombie, though you may be tempted. You might run up on another zombie, which is bad.
How about, then, that mysterious and dangerous period between infection and semi-death? What do you look for if you're trying to screen for infection? Obviously, anyone who thinks they might be infected isn't going to be helpful at all. They'll try to hide their symptoms and any injuries, and simply confronting them will just alienate them from the group, especially if someone else in the group is infected and wants to use the first person as a scapegoat to draw attention from themselves.
Check for bites and other injuries: Just because it looks like a scrape you might have gotten jumping off a building doesn't mean it isn't a possible source of infection, so keep an eye on anything, especially if it looks more dead than other parts of the body. Unless, of course, the rest of the body is looking kind of dead as well - then, just keep an eye on the whole person. Two would be better, handcuffs and rope better still.
Check their eyes: Bloodshot for no reason? Pupils slow to contract under a bright light, or just too dilated or contracted in the first place? As usual, I'm fortunate to not have a zombie handy to study, much less a guinnea pig to infect to check their symptoms. No firm information, so check the usual stuff. Eye reactions like this help indicate bad things going on in the brain, though there are plenty of perfectly innocent reasons for these symptoms, like smoking pot. (make them share, though, if they have some).
Check for pain response: I don't mean shoot them in the foot, that's something you do to see if someone's already completely zombified. You can't just pinch them and ask if it hurt, though; they're going to say it did whether they felt it or not. Smack them in the face while pinching one leg, or poking them with a needle. Use a tazer; if it works, they're probably still human.
Reflexes: Real reflexes, as I understand, don't go through the brain - they're automatic responses to specific kinds of stimulation, usually pain. They're triggered in the spine (or so I was once told), so zombies might or might not have them, but I'm betting on not. If they can do without whole organs or a pulse, reflexes probably won't make the cut either. They'll probably start sliding off along with other body functions as infection sets in. For the record, the most classic reflex test is to bang sharply on the tendon below the kneecap, and it only works if the foot isn't supported from below. Good luck checking on that with an unwilling subject, eh.
Are they excessively defensive when you ask them how they are? Do they say, "I'm FINE, OK?" or something like that? Or worse, do they simply grunt and barely talk at all? The first might mean they're hiding something; the second might mean they're slipping away from life entirely.
Are they always hiding parts of their body? Could mean that there's some wounds or obvious infection under there. Try to arrange a situation where it would be awkward to keep them on, like a communal bath or something like that, or try and catch them asleep and have a peek that way.
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| Also not a zombie, but it doesn't look good for this one either. |
The fictional company Zombrex has a useful and entertaining page on diagnosis, but take it for what it is - fiction. Don't expect an infected person to eat more raw meat, and if you're in a situation where you can order "well done" steak you're not in the Zombie Apocalypse. The "FEAR" acronym might be helpful, though. And do be aware of excessive nibbling by your significant other; my advice in this case, though, is to let it go further so you can do a more thorough body-check and find any wounds that might have been hidden by clothing. People have had sex for worse reasons, right? But there's no data about whether zombification might also be an STD, so be smart and wear a raincoat or you might be the first guinea pig. Whether you're a man or a woman, that's the last place you want to be infected from.
Dealing with other people is anything but over; in truth, building a community around yourself is the ultimate goal of Fortifying. You improve not only you own odds for survival, but those of everyone else with you. More, you improve the quality of life for everyone. With enough people, you can become a nomadic society. With a strong, secure home, you can become a civilization. Eventually, fortifying in this way will begin to eliminate the need for running and hiding. Within secure walls, you can be at your ease.
Next week, we'll be able to talk a little more about actually working together as a group of two or more people. Shared labor, watching each other's back, and so on.
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